I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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