one two three fourrrrnication!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
