I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
