I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
