Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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