she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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