a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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