we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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