I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
