He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
