Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
