I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
