matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Congratulations! We have a period
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
