Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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