im six kinds of drunk right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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