hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
