Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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