I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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