I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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