i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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