I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
