dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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