I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
