I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
