Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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