he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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