Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
