it was like eating out sand paper
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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