So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
