he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
