I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No subtext here. People are naked.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
