If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
