dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
