In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it glows. i had to have it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
