Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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