i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
