im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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