i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
