my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
