KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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