you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
