Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
