9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
