...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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