Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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