you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
