you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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