i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
