god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
