I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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