thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
