New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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