i think my tv is drunk
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
