its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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