There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
