Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
