I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
