I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
