closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
