I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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