You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
