this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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