if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
