I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
