I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He better not be in your backpack
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
