never play flip cup with pint glasses
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
