didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
