the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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