whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
