Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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