Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
