i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
