I want to walk on stilts...naked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
