Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
