Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize