Soap is not a condiment
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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