please come you make the beer taste better
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
