you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
