did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
