Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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