I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
