More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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