Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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