"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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