All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The adults are the big ones right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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