forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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