I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
