I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize