Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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