First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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