How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
