i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
