I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
