He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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