A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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